…and it looks like a chicken? Well, that’s settled then.
I may have mentioned chicken somewhere before. I forget why exactly but when I considered that I’d mentioned vegetarianism before too, it all started falling into place [1].
Can one, indeed, dress Mutton as Lamb?
I cannot begin to think why not. The one is none other than an ovine O.A.P. [2] that’s trying to stay hip (or at least with a hip-replacement). It is a tactic adopted by most cougars on the hunt for nubile, blind young men who are impervious to the smell of moth-balls. These are, for obvious reasons, in short supply, hence the need to dress down so to speak.
Dressing Lamb as Mutton, on the other hand, would be like photographing your child with a slicked down comb-over, a little tie and a blazer that’s been pulled taught behind his back with safety pins to make it fit. My parents have many of these pearls. I know yours do to. Don’t make me prove it.
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Oct
12
Can vegetarianism be trusted?
There is an old adage that instructs us to not make decisions on an empty stomach. Wise words and ones which I try not to take too lightly. It is therefore that I am watchful of what I eat, lest I make a wrong decision based on my protein intake and end up razing Kosovo with a gardening trowel.
The last thing I want is to be grumpy from ignoring my Atkins impulse to consume large quantities of red meat, feeling sorry for myself and having to self-console in ice-cream or movies with teenage girls on ponies or ice-skates.
Those ponies would start to look quite delicious.
You are what you eat, we are told and for this exact reason I am dubious of vegetarianism. For obvious reasons. So consider yourselves warned against rampant and totalitarian Vegetarianism. The nitrogen cycle shudders in its very wake. Consequences are hazardous and potentially dire:
- sheep shall multiply exponentially, with no natural predators, to start an ovine pandemic
- cows will walk the streets, blocking traffic whilst looking for China shops
- we will all be plunged into a green hell where we fight for foraging rights with the very species that we once displayed domain over
- our egos will quake from neglect and our hands will shiver from malnutrition
- our children will scream in the night hungry for a piece of chicken.
Then again, maybe not. We can still eat cake.
As long as it fell naturally from the tree.
May
25
