Eish!

It is unwise to criticise the youth.

Specifically if you’re criticising their music. It shows how old you are.

I recall how my own parental units turned up noses and plugged up ears (and unplugged radios) at my music when I lived under their roof. And I was listening to such innocence as Duran Duran, OMD, Big Country and Gerry Rafferty. OK, admittedly I interspersed it with bouts of Halloween, Quiet Riot, G’nR and vintage Metallica but normally when I was hiding at Gerald’s house. The days we’re long, the summers warm, my t-shirts torn and my neck whip-lashed stiff.

I kind of wish someone had criticised me properly, intelligently (with force if necessary) and shown me the Path. I mean, honestly, Big Country? Was that just a phase or did Gerry Rafferty lead me to harder drugs like the Waterboys?

Either way, it’s not wise to criticise the music of the youth for fear of ridicule if nothing else. Unless of course they are listening to utter shite. This is altruistically acceptable. I can name a few:

• Smokey. Your teenager is assuredly on methamphetamines if you hear this emanating from their room.
• Black-Eyed-Peas. They were doing just fine until we had to listen Fergy-Ferg hollering “Will-i-am drop them beats now” followed closely by his namesake literally dropping the beats and then proceeding to tell us that he’s dropping them beats. Two retards in a dumpster can make better rhythm. This is easily proved.
• Any Hip-Hop that goes on and on about “in the club”. Which club? Club Scorpio in Pniel does not carry the same cosmopolitan appeal as you would like to think. It’s like I’m driving in “the car” down “the street” with “a money” in my hand. If you don’t get the idea by now drop the Tik, it’s affecting your brain like “the nurse” said it would.
• Busta Rhymes. Love it, but how about busting a new rhyme? I’m curious, who is older? Snoop Dog or Busta? I know who would win in a slap fight.
• Mashups involving such collaborations as Carike Keusenkamp and Mandoza. I would rather lock myself up in a cupboard with Wouter Basson for a weekend.
• South African bands with singers that, well, simply cannot sing. Van Coke for example. Suburban Pyn en Lyding is no excuse for kak music

The list can go on ad nauseum. Trust me, I’m easily tempted.