Eish!

Today I prepare myself mentally…

…having prepared myself physically for the arduous challenge of tackling the Fish River Canyon starting this Sunday. A wild five day jaunt without a tent or a paddle.

Training has been rigorous and the regime is largely based on:

• waking up early
• forgoing (or is it forsaking) coffee-first-thing for tea-second-thing
• finding a slow fat dog to walk with
• preferably around a dam or (better yet) a puddle to “get in the mood”
• wearing a hat

Diligence is key and I can proudly say that I have been moderately successful and shown some progress. The results are all evident:

• I’ve developed acute hay-fever – a kind of allergic reaction to early morning air
• the dog got thinner
• I like splashing in puddles wearing Wellies

I’ve just had my medical checkup, the first one in my entire life, and the result are favourable. None of my arms are falling off and if I wasn’t so hung-over the peepee test would have shown a sugar level south of a diabetic. This is indeed good news. I was ever so concerned about my urine in the rare and extreme case of me having to drink it if the Fish dries up inexplicably.

Vernon and Linda, the Nice Dog Lady’s neighbours, are probably our fiercest competition. Linda has walked the Fish 29 times. We see them training in the Helderberg, dragging car tyres up and down Woodie’s Walk before sunrise. On weekends they dig holes in the garden and fill them in again before bench-pressing their dobermans and star-jumping all the way to Vida-e at the Mall. We face a serious challenge and my only hope is to poison them with diuretics.

Anyhoo, I’m off to cut my toothbrush in half and file down my shoelaces before the Groot Trek. Don’t wait up.